I Got Tagged

I've been tagged. Thanks, Jessica, I loved reading your tagged post about you. So I will try to make mine somewhat interesting as well. Wish me luck...

Three Joys

1) My favorite things in the whole world are Dave, my husband, and Mackenzie(5) and Madison(2), our two daughters. Dave is my best friend and my 'soft place to land'. He always says the right thing, which, I know, is a gift not all men have. He always puts me first - before work or hobbies or his own personal comfort. We laugh together, dance together, and travel together. We think alike about so many things that it makes life easier and more joyful. We aren't carbon copies of eachother, though. There are plenty of differences to keep life interesting - I just won't list them here.

Mackenzie is my firstborn and a little Dave look-alike. A beautiful, blond, female version of Dave, that is. She is also my happy girl. Our babysitter, Jill, told me when Mackenzie was 2 that she is the happiest kid she had ever sat for. Her teacher last year told me she didn't know what she would do without Mackenzie's cheerful "Hi, Ms. Michelle!" everyday. (Ms. Michelle kindly omitted the fact that Mackenzie would hunt her down and yell that to her no matter what Michelle was in the middle of doing.) Mackenzie is kind and observant and understanding. I just hope these traits last through the teenage years. ;) She loves playing with friends but usually only one friend at a time. She is also very smart and can figure out ways to get what she wants out of mom and dad that amaze us everytime.

Madison is my baby and the spitting image of me. Our baby pictures match and both my mom and my aunt, Deana, agree she looks just like I did at her age. She is very inquisitive and will spend lots of time figuring out how toys work. She also loves to run and jump and is more 'phsical' than Mackenzie was at the same age. She is sweet and will do whatever you ask her to. She is also very good at sharing and has a great deal of empathy for such a small child. She'll ask about your 'owies' if you have a band-aid and will ask if it hurts. Then she'll pat your leg or give you hugs to make it better. I can't wait to watch both our girls grow up and into the people they will be.

2) I love traveling. I can't wait for the day our girls are old enough to travel long distances with Dave and me. But in the meantime, we still manage to drag them around the country. They are both seasoned flyers and have been to Disney Land and Disney World, Sea World, the beach, the mountains, the zoo,... Just wait until they're both big enough for the big rides!!! Six Flags here we come...

3) I love feeling a sense of well-being that had eluded me for a long time. I have fought long and hard to regain my health and feel like it is coming back to me now. I love feeling a sense of contentment when all four of us are at home together. Or when the girls notice a new thing about nature: a lizard, a bird, a bug and can't wait to show it to me. I love feeling at peace and calm about life. This could be fleeting, so I want to document it as proof I once felt this way!

Three Fears

1) Insanity. Seriously, going insane is my worst fear. Not that it runs in my family or anything, but I cannot imagine anything worse than not being in control of your mind. Period.

2) Never finding what I really want to do as a career. I'm hoping one day it will hit me over the head, but until then I am scared I will only work at jobs that leave me unfulfilled. That's assuming I get there at all which leads me to ...

3) Being unable to re-enter the workforce after motherhood. I like to work, finish projects and achieve goals. I love to do things I am good at, finish things efficiently, and start new tasks. Even more, I love making a paycheck. So, I am terrified that one day I will find myself turned down by every interesting employer I apply to because I was out of the workforce too long, or am too unskilled, or am too old, or am too... (fill in the blank here).

Three Goals

I had taken a long break from setting goals because I wasn't able to do anything but be a mommy, but here are a few future ideas: Run my next half-marathon in less than last years time; Really study my scriptures; Find a part-time job that will challenge my mind; Figure out what I want to do with my life once my kids are older; And really, seriously, learn to love cooking.

Three Current Obsessions

1) Guitar Hero. I like playing it and I'm not going to even try to defend myself on that one. Just know I can hold my own against any 13 year-old. Nuff said.

2) House plans. I love looking at them, analyzing them, making my own. I like tweaking them in my head to make them flow or work better. I just love house plans.

3) Pilates. I just started classes in May and the results are awesome. I must admit, the muscles in my midsection are actually working again. Thank you, instructor Lynne, and Mr. whats-his-name who created pilates, thank you.

Three Random Facts About Me

1) I love school. I am good at school. College, high-school, seminary. Doesn't matter. I am good at attendance, homework, tests, getting my teachers to like me, and finals. Don't hate me for it. ;)

2) I am sooooo not creative. Creativity required? Flower arranging, Decorating, Designing something? Don't call me. Give me a pattern to follow and/or show me how to do something once and I can make all kinds of permutations on it. Just don't ask me to invent it the first time. It will never happen.

3) I miss having super-close friends. I miss hanging out for hours with my girl and guy friends, long conversations, and that feeling of being on the same page with someone. I'm an extrovert at heart and love having many close friends. Unfortunately, motherhood doesn't leave you much time for all that. So, until my girls are older, I will take what I can get and know that one day, it will be my turn again. And when that day comes, I will slay all of my friends on Guitar Hero. Hey, you gotta do something productive with your downtime, right?

I tag Melissa, Ansley, Katie, Jana, and Camille.

Dinnertime Joys... A Day in the Life of Mommyhood

To remember it before time erodes it, I want to document one "normal" evening with a 5 and 2 year old. The bewitching hours start around 4 and usually last until after dinner - whenever that ends up being. That is the time when, if I am trying to cook dinner, the dam of chaos breaks and leaves me in a wake of tension and frustration. No lie, one night's example follows... I'm making dinner for someone who's just had a baby, because I know what it's like to have a baby and feel overwhelmed and feel like you don't exist anymore because now you're just a vessel for feeding, changing and nurturing another soul. "Mommy, mommy, mommy... mommy, mommy," my 5 year old keeps asking. "What?" (thinking, I wish she would just start talking without ensuring my every ounce of attention is on her before starting her tirade). Mommy, can I watch the deep seas movie?" (referring to Blue Planet and her love/hate/fear obsession of the deep ocean creatures) "Maybe in a minute," I reply already feeling guilty for the TV she's been watching too much of this day. I'm trying to vy for time so she might get wrapped up in playing with a toy or making a craft, instead of being attached to the mind-sucking device in our family room. Then the 2 year old kicks in, "Mommy, I wanna wach diego-go." "Not right now," I reply, for the same reason as the 5 year old. A 2 year old fit ensues as I try to think of what I have to make next in the dinner process. And of course, I give in and turn on their respective shows because otherwise, I won't get a single thing done. The guilt continues to simmer. Okay, rice is on to cook, should I get out the steamer or boil the broccoli? I hate cleaning that steamer, it's too big and it's a pain to wash. Too may parts for such small job. The phone rings, and of course, it is Dave. The one person I'd love to talk to, and the one person I am annoyed with at the same time - because he is the only person I'd even pick up the phone for right now. He's great because he bought me a cordless headset so I can answer calls and have my hands free. This is a huge help. But it doesn't solve the need for me to have my brain free so I can actually concentrate on anything. There's a knock at the door. It's the pest-control guy explaining to me where all the ants were actually coming from and how he's sprayed here, there, and up there, and as he's talking I can feel my sinuses contracting from the whiffs of poison ('organic' mind you) that I'm sure are wafting off his clothes and cover his pen that he needs me to sign the paperwork with. I'm getting a headache as he talks, and wishing my body was not so sensitive to the stuff. No one else, including the pest-control guy, is having a problem. Lucky me. Back to Dave on the phone, and the casserole sauce that is now bubbling over on the stove, and the 5 year old telling me the tv is all messed up and my cooking show is on and will I come fix it right now?! The 2 year old yelling from the bedroom because her show has switched to Paula Dean's white-haired, Carolinian face and southern drawl instead of Diegogo. Can I help it if my awesome husband has set up our 2nd DVR to record 30-minute meals for me? I still love me some Rachel Ray - I don't care if she is overly marketed. She is the one human being in this world who taught me how to cook as I emerged from the depths of a post-pardom black cloud. Without her, I still wouldn't know how to chop an onion or even what a bechemel sauce was. I tell Dave I have to go. So I yell at the girls and tell them they will HAVE TO WAIT, I have hot oil on the stove. I finally cut up the raw chicken (with non-latex gloves on b/c I have recently realized I hate touching raw chicken, It's just gross) and get the nasty cutting board and knife into the dishwasher. Luckily, I got out the disposible containers earlier and they're ready for the food. Quiet the beep, beep, beeping of the timer because the rice is supposedly done now. Insert crying child neediness into the mix. Turn off the heat there, take the chicken out of the pan and peel 2 kids off my leg as I momentarily ponder... No wonder Rachel Ray loves cooking - she doesn't have 2 screaming, crying, persisting, painful-top-of-the-foot-standing needs consistantly interrupting her flow. Man, I told Dave earlier, I analyzed if I was just better at handling stress at work earlier in my lifetime, and if I'm just terrible at it now. And I realize, NO! There was never a time at work where a co-worker peed on the carpet while I was trying to make a presentation. Never did a co-worker not respond reasonably when I had to finish a task. No crying, no diapering or immediate feedings required. No toy mediation, tv distraction, or time-outs ever occurred while I hacked away at work deadlines. In fact, I was actually able to focus on one, maybe two, things at a time. I have gotten so down on myself that I can no longer multi-task (something I used to be really good at). I realize now, the extent of muti-tasking required to be a mother is inhumane. There is no way to do twenty things at the same time and do them well. SO THERE, UNIVERSE! I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER - YOU JUST ASK TOO MUCH! Eventually I get the dinner made, and the kids in the car to deliver it (which is no small task, because we need 3 blankies and a bottle before we can go, OH - don't forget the shoes), because as luck would have it Dave is driving back from some work meeting in Dallas and I am on my own. Joy. I realize as I am almost to the new mom's house that I've only been there once before and I don't remember the exact location and did I even bring a phone number for her? What if I can't find this place. Luckily, I do. Plug for heavenly intervention here: I narrowed it down to 2 houses and a guy was tinkiering with his bike in the garage at one of them so I was able to use deductive reasoning that the mostly-naked guy was not her husband. Her baby is beautiful and I leave there feeling glad that I could do something to help someone else. Re-enter the car, and the war zone: Mama, mama, I need my bwankie! Mom, she hit me in the face with it so it's over there now. Mediate fight. Regardless of dinner cooked and waiting at home (from earlier labors) I am exhausted and only want them to sleep. I end up at Sonic just so I can keep them strapped in the car and not terrorizing the kitchen (which I would, of course, have to reassemble later). Seriously, are chicken strips and tater tots wrong if they buy you a second of peace? Even if you rely on them too much? Insert guily conscience here. Then blow off guilty conscience with rationalized argument of imagined dinner-at-home-fight that occurs whenever I cook and try to make them eat something new. Then look around the disaster of a kitchen and think "and I did all that for THIS?" Seriously, and they wonder why LDS women in Utah use more Prozac than any other state. Any other woman at this point would be self-medicating with large amounts of wine. Any man would be tuned out watching sports or the news while the kids ransacked the house for someone else to clean up later. It's only because we women CARE, that we stress about it. I will forgo delving into the other feelings that bubble under the surface during all of this, but will only mention them briefly. Thoughts of how I have no underlying mommy-ness about me; how I wish so much to be doing something I was good at and that gave recognition and a paycheck but know that the guilt of daycare would cancel out any other positives thereof; how I wish I had any clue how to entertain my kids with crafts or games but always come up woefully emty-handed, wishing there was a How to Entertain Your Kids Without TV class at the local community college; how if I only knew WHAT I wanted to do outside the home, I would attack it full-force, and mercifully that knowledge has been kept from me, most likely for the sake of my children - and when I am in my right-mind, I am deeply grateful for that. I know now, only slightly, how grateful I'll be for not missing out on the giggles and the cute faces and the silly sayings that happen when I'm not looking for them. When time has passed and I have 2 adults instead of 2 children, I have a feeling I will be so glad I did not shirk this job, this most important, passing task. Dinners and all...

Lake Travis with the Broughs

May 24, 2008, Saturday - We moved our boat reservation at Lakeway Marina from the 17th to the 24th and it turned out perfectly that the Broughs could come with us. Chris and I had been friends back in Utah, and who moves to Austin 2 years after us? That's right, Chris and Jessica. Then baby Ezra joined them last October. Above is Ezra, Jessica, and Mackenzie playing in the water.

Here's Madison doing what she does best: figuring things out and putting keys in a keyhole (not to mention making Mommy nervous, but what else is new?)

Mackenzie and Dave. Mackenzie loved the boat and swimming. I bet we could make her a boat lover without too much of a fight!

Chris, Jessica, and Ezra escaping the heat. Ezra was so good the entire trip. He'd had a fever for the 2 previous days. Maybe the water made him feel better. Either way, he was a dream baby. After we returned the boat we tried to go eat at the Oasis, but it was a zoo, it being Memorial Day Weekend and all. Unfortunately, the shuttle driver at the Oasis backed into the Broughs Sequoia. Chris tried to get the Oasis to take responsibility but the manager said the shuttle drivers were a separate service and not tied to them. The shuttle driver gave Chris his info and said he'd take care of it. All of it made me nervous, though. We took pictures of the damage,which is a good thing because later the Oasis tried to pass the buck again and told us we had to prove it happened there. What losers! Anyway, that night we finally ate at Rudy's and headed home. The girls were exhausted. In spite of the fender bender, it was a super fun boat trip!

Mackenzie's Preschool Graduation (and Wanda's Birthday)

May 22, 2008, Thursday - I can't believe Mackenzie is done with preschool! She has been going to Canyon Creek since she was 2 years old and now she's off to kindergarten. They had the cutest ceremony with each class singing a song and each child getting a certificate and children's bible from the church. It was really well done and fun to see how far they've all come. As a side note, a few days before the ceremony I asked Mackenzie if she knew what was on the 22nd of May, and she said, "I KNOW mom, it's my gradumony." I laughed and laughed. It was too cute.

That night, we all went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was a fun-filled day!

Car Fire in Bella Vista

May 18, 2008, Monday - While I was with Mackenzie and Madison at Kenzie's last dance class, apparently our neighbor's Lincoln Navigator spontaneously caught fire as she was driving out of the neighborhood. She had her two 2 year-olds with her and, luckily, the nanny as well, because they had to hustle to get those kids out of the car quickly. Cecilia (the driver) said she smelled something funny and pulled over to check (it just happened to be in front of the mailboxes and almost in front of our house) and then smoke began to rise out from under the hood. They got the kids out and it became a full-blown car fire. The windows blew out, the tires melted, and there was nothing left of that car but a melted shell. We missed all the excitement while we were at dance but when we dropped Avery off afterwards her mom said she'd heard the explosions all the way down at their end of the neighborhood (about 3/4 mile away). We couldn't even get into our street because there were police cars, fire trucks, utility trucks, all blocking it off. Luckily no one was hurt and no other homes were damaged. However, the locks on 2/3 of the mailboxes melted from the heat of the fire. They had to be replaced and all those families had to get new mail keys. That must have been crazy hot!!!

Mackenzie's Dance Recital and Wanda's Mystery Birthday Trip

Such a cute little bumblebee! Below: Meredith, Brecken, Brynn, Avery, Mackenzie, and her other cute classmate from dance.

May 17, 2008 was Mackenzie's dance recital. The girls were so cute. Unfortunately, Mackenzie had been up the entire night before with a stomach flu. Dave followed suit at 5:30 am and was trying to recover the rest of the day. Luckily, they both recovered and she was able to attend her recital. Dave did as well, which was good since he had to walk her across the stage as her 'prince' for the first number. Ironically, all the sickness happened as soon as we got home from my mystery birthday trip with Dave (May 15-16, 2008). He had gotten Jill Robinson to babysit overnight and planned a getaway for us. I knew we were going somewhere within a 90 minute drive but I didn't know where and I didn't know what we were going to do. SO, we drove down 620 until... he turned right and then he turned into the Lakeway Spa and Resort. It was such beautiful place, right on the lake. Our room had an outside balcony and we watched the boats and skiiers go by. He had made reservations at Hudsons On the Bend for dinner and before that we had some time by the pool. It was so relaxing. The restaurant was a first for me and everything was exceptional. The next day he had made an appointment at the spa for a couples massage (I know, my husband rocks!) and had rented a boat for the afternoon. The massage was fantastic and afterwards we ate lunch at the hotel restaurant overlooking the pools and lake. Unfortunately, a huge stormfront rolled in, so we decided to move the boat reservations out a week and went and saw Iron Man at the movies instead. It was such a relaxing, wonderful getaway. I am so lucky to have such a thoughtful, fun, and amazing husband. I love you, Dave!!! I am so grateful Mackenzie didn't get sick until we got home. I can just imagine Jill calling us and us having to leave the night before. Thank God for small favors!

Mother's Day 2008

May 11, 2008 was Mother's Day. I had a great day. I got to go shopping by myself on Saturday and Dave took care of the girls pretty much all weekend. He made dinner for us all on Sunday - chicken parmesan, pasta w/ 3 different sauces, salad and rolls, followed by some delicious mini-cakes from HEB. It was fabulous. I have the best husband ever. This picture was taken right after church on our front porch (and right before the dresses got changed). Lunchtime is still stain-time at our house. Ah, babies. I know one day they won't be this way anymore and I will miss it - stains and all.